When? Now! Soon?

Today was the day that I realized how ironic God is. I don’t really know if “ironic” is the correct word to coin for how I think God works. For the past 24-36 hours I have been among my peers at a youth retreat called Mid-Winter. The weeks prior to this moment I was very nonchalant about going, slightly excited to spend the whole weekend with my best friend, to get away from reality aka my family, and to find something that I felt was missing. So I wasn’t really going for this AMAZING move of God or anything. I was going because lately I’ve needed God, and I’ll be honest, I don’t always feel him there. Whenever you feel like God isn’t there any more is the moment you start worrying.  Incase you haven’t notice, the Bible doesn’t say “DON’T PANIC” on the front cover like the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, so I was in panic mode. I was retracing every step to see what happened, where did I go wrong, what did I do? I couldn’t find anything I had done, and that was where the problem lied. I had done nothing. No youth activities. No prayer, except mealtime and bedtime prayers. No fasting. No reading the word. No anything. Nada. Zip. Zilch. I had done only one thing by doing nothing; exclude myself from God.

I’ve gone through the backstory, now onto this past weekend. I’m sitting there in Friday night service in my “dress clothes” with every other apostolic youth in the state of Ohio. It’s 8:30 and the music is just starting. Most people are excited because it’s time to get their “Jesus on.” What was in my mind? The fact my best friend had just chewed me out and told me to be nicer. I wasn’t mean to anyone, but now that I think about it I wasn’t particularly nice either. Music blaring a Jesus songs, everyone is going crazy, and all I can do is listen. Listen to the lyrics. They all where about how great God is, how truly great He is.  I guess I take Him for granted, God. I hope you don’t think bad about me, or if you’re my mother I hope you aren’t having a heart attack over what I’m saying.  But, I do. I was taking everything for granted. Music is done and the preacher gets to preaching. The crazy thing is, he wasn’t yelling all the time like most evangelist. He would whisper, drawing you into every word he was saying.  “Put Away Your Yard Stick” was his title. In a short, one sentence synapsis; don’t measure what you think God can do, he can do so much more than you can imagine. Alter call comes and the alter is flooded, but I just can’t seem to get up. I’m in awe. In awe of what? I sit there is awe of how every teenager is crying out to God like it’s their last breath. Pure beauty. I look over and see my youth group, hands on heads and united. Unity. I thought I was so distant from them all that unity for me wouldn’t come for a long time. I was wrong. Later that night, after service I was just walking with Sarah (Yay! The “best-friend” has a name), but she had to leave. Soon I was hanging out with my youth again, MY youth group. That was surprise number one from God: Unity.

Now onto today, which is Saturday. I’m running off of three and half hours of sleep, yet I’m happy. We scurry to church in the morning and make it in time for split session. Split session was very mild and not as “meaty” as other sermons. It went more with the theme of “NOW”. When can you make a change? Now. When can do something worthwhile? Now.  So split session is over and I’m just talking to friends from my church and from camp. After five or ten minutes we are ushered back into the sanctuary and the music starts again, it’s odd though.  All the songs seem to be most of MY personal favorite Christian songs.  I sing and clap, nothing showy or fancy, just God and me. The same preacher from last night comes back to the stage for his sermon, his sermon that leaves an impression. Here is the short and sweet version of it.  The title was “The Two Callings of Christ.” The first calling, if you are a Christian, you have made and accepted. It’s simply you accepting God into your life. God giving everything, while you give nothing. The second calling is complex. It’s not one thing, it can be many, and it can be few.  The second calling is just you simply giving up your flesh, you giving God everything. That’s when God gave me my second surprise. God talked to me. Not in a booming loud voice in a boisterous manner. It was more like a plea. I never thought of God as the pleading type. It was only four words, four words that broke me in that service. “Please, stop being selfish.” When I look back for the past six to seven months, I have been so selfish.  God gave me everything, everything. God has saved me multiple times, and I, for some reason I will never know, started taking him for granted. I stopped working on what I think is my calling. I stopped. I was selfish. I was not fulfilling God’s second calling.

So I’ve been sitting here on the shuttle typing this blog for an hour and half, running on three and half hours of sleep, and Sarah is sleeping on my shoulder.

I don’t know who will read this. Or who will care. I’m not by any means saying I’m the most religious or holy person in the world. I’m very far from it actually. I’m just a normal person, trying to find a way through life.

As a side not though, God loves you. Even when you think you aren’t worth much, and no one could love you, God does.

Take some time maybe, and hear the silence. 

The Best Friend